


Already Gone

by mygodhatesme



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressing, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Heavy Angst, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, M/M, Multi, One Shot, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Short One Shot, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 23:00:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20217697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mygodhatesme/pseuds/mygodhatesme
Summary: When Steve decides to change cities for a new job opportunity he leaves his addicted boyfriend behind as he believes he would be just fine without him but it doesn’t turn out that way.“now all the memories are haunted, we were always meant to say goodbye”





	Already Gone

**Author's Note:**

> This is very heavy angst, I cried while writing because it’s kind of a sensitive topic for me but still please don’t continue reading if you’re triggered by anything mentioned.
> 
> I wrote this a few months back but orphaned it because the ending was so bad and I hated the way I wrote it, here we are at it again.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it and please don’t forget to comment your opinion on this or you can dm me on twitter it’s @buckysamerica
> 
> lots of love <3

Steve stood behind the red door of the flat that he used to spend most of his time in. He heard the voice behind the door asking who he was but it wasn’t the voice he was so desperate to hear. “It’s Steve.” he said raising his voice a little so they could hear clearly. The door opened and the familiar face of a redhead was giving him the look most people would find scary. “Fucking hell Steve!” anyone who didn’t know her would think she was glad to see the blonde but it was the total opposite, she was so angry that he could kill him in that second. “I’m sorry Nat.” it was obvious that he meant those words and it didn’t take long for Natasha to notice that. 

Steve stepped inside and he examined the room, looking for any kind of changes since he left. “I haven’t changed anything, it’ all the same.” Steve smiled as he turned his head back to Natasha, he was very satisfied with how she knows him so well. Steve had a specific question to ask but he didn’t know how to ask it properly because he was very afraid of the answer. “Where is our boyfriend?” he asked quietly and he sounded really concerned, “He is your boyfriend.” Natasha said and continued as Steve took a deep breath. “You’re the love of his life.” he knew there was something unpleasant going on since Natasha avoided the actual question, she was a very straightforward person unless it was about Bucky. 

“You fucking left us, you know that i don’t care but he does.” she said before Steve got the chance to speak, she raised her voice so much that Steve was sure the neighbours could hear. “Just please tell me where he is, I’m worried.” Steve’s eyes filled with tears and he tried so hard to keep them away from his cheeks. Natasha was the only person he was comfortable crying in front of other than Bucky. “Why weren’t you worried when you decide to leave him.” her voice was still so high but Steve didn’t warn her about it, he knew she was right. He closed his eyes the moment Natasha stopped but she still didn’t give him much time to answer. “You fucked him up!” she literally shouted from the top of her lungs and her voice echoed in the flat. 

“Where is he?” Steve finally let go of his tears and he took a deep breath while he waited a second before the redhead caught her breath and answered. “I don’t fucking know!” her voice was getting higher with each word and Steve still wasn’t annoyed, he knew his mistake. His jaw dropped fast and he didn’t know how to respond. He expected this happening and he hoped it wouldn’t. “Oh fuck, he’s on it again.” Steve’s tears kept wetting his face and his breaths got shorter, he was freaking out. “How long has he been gone?” this time it was Steve’s turn to raise his voice, the tears were moving so fast that they reached his neck. 

“About 2 months.” Natasha said in her calmest voice, she was trying hard to not show emotion. “Why the fuck you didn’t look for him?” he could feel his heart beating fast as his ears filled with his anxious voice. He knew that it wasn’t the first time Bucky’s done this. Natasha tilted her head a little back, trying not to look Steve in the eye. “You’re the one to blame and I hope you know that.” Natasha’s voice was even calmer than before, Steve regret leaving so much and he definitely knew it was his fault that Bucky is missing. 

“He hasn’t answered my texts, he promised he would.” Steve’s words made Natasha more angry than she was so she tilted her head back down, how could he simplify to that. “Then why the fuck didn’t you come back earlier.” trying to keep her voice steady, she didn’t want to overwhelm Steve too much. Steve opened his mouth to speak but he could feel his voice cracking even before he started speaking. He had to say something, Natasha has been giving him her death stare. “I couldn’t resign from the job, the contract said i had to work at least two months before resigning.” Steve’s voice didn’t cracked as much as he thought it would. Natasha knew he was just tried to avoid getting sued.

Steve was a very simple person and he always did what he said he would do, he expected people to trust him the way he trusts them. “I think I know where he is.” Steve said wiping his tears slowly, Natasha’s expression was totally empty and she didn’t know how to respond. “He’s probably at his parents’.” Natasha didn’t understand at all so she just kept staring. “I looked there!” Natasha raised her voice again and it was louder than ever, “It was literally the first place I looked.” she started crying and she didn’t want Steve to see. 

“It’s because you looked there at the wrong time.” Steve said softly and Natasha’s response was immediate, “What?” her eyes grew bigger and her voice wasn’t as high. “He doesn’t go there unless he’s out of money, he always has a stash somewhere no matter how hard we try to find them and I’m sure his mother has too many bottles of wine.” Steve rushed his words, “Aren’t his parents home?” Natasha wasn’t as angry as before and it took the pressure out of Steve’s chest. “They’re away for summer.” Natasha kind of relaxed and she let out a relieved breath. “Don’t get happy this soon we still don’t know what state he’s in.” he stopped for a moment trying hard to not say the thing in his mind but he did, “He can be even dead.” Natasha let out a little “Oh fuck.” and she started crying harder, she looked genuinely scared. 

“Best friends since childhood, I should’ve asked you earlier.” Natasha said trying to stay calm but it wasn’t easy even for her. Natasha took Steve’s bag from the ground and put it on the couch, “Where are your stuff?” she asked and Steve didn’t take long to answer, “They’ll ship them in three days.” he too was trying hard to keep himself calm. “Are you sure he’s there?” Natasha felt like she had to ask, “Trust me, I know him.” Steve rushed to the door and stepped outside closing the door after him. Natasha knew she didn’t have to go with him and Steve was the only one who can do that. 

Bucky’s parents lived a few blocks away still in the place Bucky was born in. It was a few blocks away from Natasha and Bucky’s apartment, they chose it because it was close to them so they could reach out if anything happened. It was only Natasha’s place now and it hurt Steve so much. He climbed to the third floor so fast that he got out of breath, he faced the wooden door. The door he and Bucky had their first kiss behind, he had so many memories there and not all of them were good. The past three months were the literal hell for Steve, he was excited for a new job and a new opportunity but he didn’t think through it well enough. He loved Bucky more than anyone and anything in the world, he trusted him more than anyone and he was sure it was the same for Bucky. 

He didn’t leave Bucky’s side when he overdosed, twice. He didn’t leave him alone when he tried recovery three times. And three months ago Steve thought Bucky was alright, he just didn’t think about how Bucky will be effected when he left. He was damn sure he would be okay without him but he was damn wrong. He also knew Natasha was right when she told him “You have too high expectations of Bucky.” but he didn’t listen. Steve knew she was right as always but he chose to not think about it hoping that Bucky will be just fine without him. When he left, he didn’t think much but it didn’t took him long to start worrying. He spent most of his life with Bucky and mostly trying to be sure he’s alive. He still sometimes forget that Bucky is an addict and he wasn’t as stable as he believed he was. 

He didn’t knock the door and took the spare key in the mail box which they never locked. He was praying inside even though he didn’t have much faith, but he was slightly hopeful. He stepped inside and basically ran to Bucky’s childhood bedroom. “Buck?” he called standing behind the door of the room. He didn’t ask if he was okay, he stopped asking that a while ago. Bucky always thought he wasn’t worth of anyone’s time and Steve spent all of his time with him. Bucky always thought Steve would have a life without him and when he decided to leave, Bucky felt like his instincts were right and nothing mattered anymore. They were both uncomfortable while they were apart and Bucky did one thing when he was uncomfortable. 

He approached to the bed Bucky was laying, he didn’t get an immediate response and it made him so worried that he felt like he was going to pass out but it was the worst time for that. He sat at the edge of the bed that they both spend their time reading comic books as teenagers, put his index and middle finger on Bucky’s neck trying to get his pulse, he knew how to do it because he went through this a few times. He felt relieved when he could feel it but he was sure it was slower than it should be, he called an ambulance not caring how expensive it would be because he had no choice. 

He put his head on Bucky’s chest still crying but glad that he’s alive. He was thanking the god he didn’t necessarily believed in just for finding him alive. He was so glad that he didn’t have to live his biggest fear. He saw the empty zip lock bag which was considered really small on the floor, he was sure it was cocaine because Bucky always went with it. He was also glad that he didn’t have more in his stash, he knew he wouldn’t find Bucky in this state if he did. Steve was so afraid of losing him he was willing to so literally anything. 

He still had his head on Bucky’s chest when the paramedics came in the flat. Steve was still praying internally but he was pretty sure he would be alright just like he did before. He stood with him holding his hand at the back of the ambulance and insisted on staying with him while they took care of him. He even forgot to call Natasha and he didn’t hear her calls. He finally remembered to call he and when he did, she was as relieved as Steve was. Bucky was getting rid of the chemicals in his body and Steve knew he would wake up soon. 

Bucky slowly opened his eyes and the bright light of the hospital room hurt his eyes. “What.” he said which was what made Steve notice he was awake. Steve squeezed the hand he’s been holding for a while to let him know he’s there. Bucky slowly turned his head to Steve’s direction. “Stevie.” Bucky was forcing the words to come out of his mouth but he was just too tired for that. “I’m here baby.” Steve said letting his tears go, “I missed you.” Bucky’s quiet words were enough for Steve to remind himself how much they needed each other. 

“I’m so sorry Buck, I shouldn’t have left you.” he wiped his tears with his free hand. “All forgiven.” Bucky was still struggling with talking, his body was still loose. Steve smiled faintly, “I love you so much.” Steve said softly, “Love you back.” Bucky answered. Steve carefully moved the hand he was holding to himself and kissed it gently, holding Bucky’s hand never felt this safe. “We have a lot to talk about.” Bucky tried to say, Steve placed his hand on the bed with Bucky’s and said “Go back to sleep baby.” softly as Bucky closed his eyes.

Natasha came in a few minutes later, Steve got up and hugged her very tight. “He’s totally alright, he just woke up and he’s all good.” Steve said in one breath while still having Natasha in his arms. “I was so scared you know.” Natasha said quietly before she stepped back. “I know Nat, I was too.” Steve said with a faint smile, “I thought he was going to die.” Natasha said and Steve answered not even a second later “But he didn’t” his faint smile got bigger and he chuckled. Natasha chuckled the same way and they both sat beside Bucky’s bed making sure he’s still alive because they were still scared of anything that could happen to him. Natasha also called his parents, who rushed to get there from their holiday destination. It took a few hours but they were as pleased as Natasha and Steve was to see him breathing properly.


End file.
